Mr. Bean's Holiday

Mr. Bean's Holiday is the movie equivalent of a nuclear bomb: the fallout from this bomb will kill any goodwill you might have towards the character of Mr. Bean. It takes a special kind of movie to make you hate other movies, but this one accomplishes that so effortlessly that I was left seriously questioning what I ever saw in Rowan Atkinson's creation in the first place. Simply put, you can't watch this movie and not look at 1997's Bean or the old Mr. Bean TV show the same way again.

Something we should address from the get-go: I was (and in theory still am) a fan of the first Mr. Bean movie. It was an acquired taste, to be sure, but it had a fun combination of slapstick, bizarreness, and British humor. This film throws all that out and tries to start over, taking the sequel in a completely different direction. It gave me a bit of perspective on why I found the original so funny:

1. People realized Mr. Bean was unstable and frighteningly strange, and they called him out on it (and even arrested him for it).

2. Bean had a straight-man to play off of, who was constantly shocked at how idiotic Bean could be.

3. There was an attempt at a plot.

I'm quite sure there was more to it than that, but those three will suffice in helping me explain this atrocity. Most frustrating, people don't seem too shocked by the things Bean is doing. For better or worse, he works as a character because he was always a fantasy character placed in the real world. Here he may as well be living in a fantasy world as no one bats an eye at half the things he does. Which brings me to my next point: there's no straight-man.

How many times in your life can you honestly say "This movie sure could use some Peter MacNicol" with a straight face? Apparently the answer is now "at least once." With no one to play off of Bean's zaniness, it gets pretty excruciating. And let me clue you in to a little secret: Mr. Bean has never been a very verbal character. So with no real sidekick here, it quickly becomes apparent what you're watching: a silent movie. Towards the end he meets up with a young woman who talks to him, but otherwise Bean rarely speaks, even to the young boy he meets and befriends. And last I checked, there wasn't really a market for silent movies.

The plot is nonexistent. Bean wins a trip to France and he decides to visit the beach. Since he's Mr. Bean, it takes him 90 minutes to find the beach. Along the way he helps a kid reunite with his lost dad, and he screws up the Cannes film festival. The first film may not have had a brilliant plot, but it had something to keep you interested. Here it's nothing more than a string of bad skits. And these skits made something abundantly clear: Rowan Atkinson is deeply depressed.

Atkinson always seemed to be having fun with this character in the past. Here he seems tired and sad, like he realized that he's doomed to be Mr. Bean forever. Perhaps that's why this film is so bad: he wants people to stop asking him for more Bean, so he made the worst possible film he could. After this film people will be asking for Bean III about as much as they were asking for another Batman film after Batman & Robin or another Cadyshack after Cadyshack II. Because really, I have not come out of a movie this disheartened in a long time.

RIP Mr. Bean.

Grindhouse

From the scratchy prints, to the fake trailers, to the commercial for your local Mexican restaurant, Grindhouse is more than simply a movie - it's an experience. To see this on DVD is to miss the entire point, which is the fun that can be had in a communal viewing of movies in theaters. Because Grindhouse is made up of so many components and is unlike just about any movie I've ever seen, I'll try and review each part individually, and then summarize the movie experience as a whole.

Planet Terror

Director Robert Rodriguez is something of a modern day John Carpenter in many ways, so it seems fitting that his ode to Seventies horror films would be an homage to the films of Carpenter, particularly Assault on Precinct 13. Everything from the characters to the plot to the music is straight out of Carpenter - and yes, that is very much a good thing.

Following a band of survivors in a small town infested with zombies, Planet Terror does something that few horror movies do anymore: it creates interesting characters. These aren't simply people to be killed off one by one (though that does happen). These people have personalities, and as such it actually fun to watch them interact with each other and their zombie antagonists. Of particular note are El Wray (Freddy Rodriguez), a mysterious drifter who really has a way with weapons, and Cherry Darling (Rose McGowan), a former go-go dancer whose dreams of being a stand-up comedian are dashed when a zombie eats off her leg. If that sounds ridiculously campy, you'd be right. And that's where the real fun lies.

The thing about grindhouse films is that most were pretty bad to begin with, and Robert Rodriguez acknowledges that by making his film overly ridiculous. The end result is extremely entertaining, perhaps the most crowd pleasing film of the year thus far. If you love schlocky old horror films but recognize that they have flaws, this film was made for you.



The Trailers

There are four trailers interspersed throughout the films, as well as other small things like commercials and theater advertisements.

The first trailer is for Machete, an Mexsploitation film (which is exactly what it sounds like). Danny Trejo is very amusing as the titular Machete, and his jacket of weapons is hilarious. Overall it might have been the weakest trailer, but it was still great.

Werewolf Women of the SS is a bit unlike the other trailers in that it seems like it knows it is a joke, whereas the others imply their movies are real. It is still very funny, as the whole concept of Nazis and werewolf women is great, and the final surprise cameo at the end of the trailer makes it perfect.

Don't is possibly the funniest trailer, as it relies almost entirely on the voice over to tell you about the film. The number of times the word "Don't" is uttered is hilarious, as is the reveal of the film's title.

Finally there is Thanksgiving. It is so dead on accurate as to how those old trailers were made, right down to the voice over, that it honestly felt like a lost horror movie that someone finally found thirty years later. It also elicited the biggest response from the audience, and for good reason: it's pretty shocking. All in all, the trailers were amazing and probably the most entertaining part of Grindhouse.



Death Proof

Finally, the movie ends with Death Proof, a Quentin Tarantino film. Something you should know is that the point of a double feature is not to give you the same film twice, but to give you two different experiences. As such, this film is a complete 180 from Planet Terror. This is a grindhouse film that isn't in on the joke, at least not much. There are some laughs to be had, but in the end this feels like a film that was actually made to be in a grindhouse, not a spoof.

The basic idea is that a guy named Stuntman Mike uses his death proof car to kill unsuspecting women. It's a great premise in theory, but it is such a slow burn to get to the action that many will be put off, especially after the fast paced first film we already watched. I can understand the need for the slow burn, as it helps you care about what happens to the victims, but I think Tarantino made a mistake in how he went about it. The women talk for long periods of time about things we couldn't care less about. It's almost tedious. Yet when the women do start to die, it is much more shocking because you feel like, for better or worse, you actually kind of knew these people, so seeing them violently dismembered is more shocking than amusing.

Kurt Russell is perfect in the film, balancing both creepiness and charm. Yet he is unlike your typical horror film villain in that, when the tables turn on him, he is no longer brave at all. The women in the film are largely annoying, although that has more to do with the dialogue than the acting. Zoe Bell, who is a stuntwoman, plays herself, and while her acting is nothing special, her stunt work is amazing. That's kind of the problem with Death Proof: it has some of the worst elements in Grindhouse (the dialogue), but also some of the best. The car chases and crashes are phenomenal, and ultimately make the whole thing worth it.




Overall

Overall, this was an amazing experience of a film. It's a shame that it has failed so miserably at the box office, as it is a true crowd pleaser. I'd almost say that you shouldn't see it unless you see it in theaters with an audience, as that's where a lot of the enjoyment comes from. Still, I suspect that this is the kind of film that will be showing at midnight movies for years to come every Halloween. That is ultimately what it was probably made for, just like the grindhouse pictures it is worshiping.

Hot Fuzz

Hot Fuzz is the sophomore effort from the team that brought us Shaun of the Dead a few years back. This time around they've set their sights on cop films, action films, and British murder mysteries. The results, unfortunately, are much more scattershot and, dare I say it, duller than their previous cult classic. The reason Shaun of the Dead worked so well was because all involved clearly loved zombie films dearly, and as a result they crafted something that was very funny, but also startlingly touching. It worked as a comedy, a zombie film, and a character drama (I'd argue that Shaun's scene with his mother in the pub was more moving than just about anything you'd find in that year's best picture winner Million Dollar Baby). Fuzz, on the other hand, elicits too few laughs, tries to be three genres of film at once, and has far too many characters for you to really care about any of them. They aimed for the moon and fell short.

Simon Pegg plays Nick Angel, the best cop on the London force. He's so good, in fact, that he makes everyone else look bad by comparison, so his superiors send him to the safest town in the country: Sandford. There he meets a plethora of characters, including the chief inspector, the local reverend, the owner of the supermarket, and the inspector's dimwitted son Danny (Nick Frost). The first half of the film is devoted to getting to know the town, its inhabitants, and the silly kinds of jobs the police are expected to do in the safest town in the country—there is a running joke of the missing goose that they're always on the lookout for. It's not until about halfway through the movie that the murders start happening and Angel has to convince everyone that they aren't just accidents.

As a comedy film there are surprisingly few jokes. For long stretches of time I didn't so much as chuckle. The aforementioned running joke with the goose is really not funny in the least and amounts to little more than them seeing the goose at inopportune times. This also is not a movie you're likely to be quoting to your friends afterwards, as there were not really any great one-liners. There are some jokes at the expense of popular action films that work well, notably a clever spoof of Point Break. Perhaps the biggest laughs come from the violence in the film, which surprisingly gets far gorier than almost anything you saw in Shaun. It also didn't work as an action film as most of the film is devoid of action, and when it does turn into an action flick it is surprisingly boring. There's no sense of danger and the shootouts lack any creativity. Perhaps I would have been more involved in the action had I been invested in any of the characters. With upwards of a dozen characters, all of which make an appearance during the final showdown between hero and villain, we spend very little time with any of them during the run time. Even the two leads have a rather undefined relationship. Angel is dubious of Danny, and we never seem to get a crucial turning point where he realizes he was wrong about Danny. It just seems to suddenly happen when the plot needs it to.

Sadly, Hot Fuzz is largely forgettable. Over time Shaun of the Dead has continued to grow on me and I appreciate it more as it ages, a trait common to only the greatest of comedies. I hope that this film proves me wrong in the long run and it grows as well. But really there was just too much ground covered here and not enough comedy to make you ignore all the exposition. It's not a bad movie at all, just an unexpectedly bland one.

Bridge to Terabithia

It's the cruel irony of life: when we are kids we want nothing more than to grow up, to have what we care about be taken seriously. Yet once we grow up we long for the freedom we had as children, when things didn't have to be so serious. Bridge to Terabithia understands this irony and takes it to heart, creating one of the best - and most melancholy - coming of age films in recent memory.

When I say "melancholy," I'm not using that word lightly. This film was widely promoted as a fantasy film about a magical world, yet that is not the case. The magical world shown in the commercials, Terabithia, is nothing more than a creation in the minds of the film's two protagonists, and it serves more as a metaphor for their alienation than as a place in which to have adventures; Narnia this is not. Instead, the film is firmly planted in reality, and as such it deals with real issues that affect kids of every generation.

Jesse is growing up in a poor farming family with four sisters and no real friends. One day a new girl named Leslie shows up at school. The two turn our to be neighbors and they strike up a friendship. Both feel excluded and alienated at school, so when they discover an old treehouse in the woods they create a fantasy story around it. It is up to them to defend the imaginary land of Terabithia from the misunderstood trolls and the evil squogres (part squirrel, part ogre). There's even a dark lord roaming the forest.

Jesse and Leslie are played to perfection by Josh Hutcherson and AnnaSophia Robb, never becoming caricatures and refraining from being too cute. The best performance, though, is given by Robert Patrick, who has been doing strong, underrated work for a while now (Walk the Line). Here he plays Jesse's stern yet loving father, and I was pleasantly surprised to see that he never felt like the cliched parent you typically find in these sorts of films. He is neither too harsh, nor too sympathetic, instead striking a balance between the two that feels genuine and organic from the story. Because Jesse comes from a poor family, his father works extra hard to ensure that they can live happily. So when he asks Jesse to to grow up and help him take care of the family it is sad because we see the person Jesse will become by having to sacrifice his imagination and his childhood freedom (and Terabithia) in order to become an adult. At its heart, Bridge to Terabithia is about the sadness to be found in the things we lose forever by growing up.

I've heretofore said little about the twist that happens about 2/3rds of the way into the film. I won't spoil it for those who haven't read the book, but I will say that you cannot go into this film looking to simply be entertained (go rent The Goonies if you want a breezy coming of age film). That's not to say it isn't entertaining - it very much is at times - but it goes from occasionally melancholy to downright depressing at the end, and when it's over you are really left thinking. This is a film that refuses to be forgotten after the screen goes black. That's a rarity among most films, let alone children's tales. I knew how it was going to end before I watched it and I thought I was prepared for it, but it still hit me like a ton of bricks. That's because the film establishes these characters so effectively that it totally earns its final half hour. This is the kind of film that will stick with you throughout the rest of your life if you see it as a kid, but I recommend it for anyone who remembers what it was like to be a child and sometimes even longs to go back to that seemingly simpler time.

TMNT

Every generation grows up with some franchise that defines their childhood. Whether it be the Hardy Boys, the Jetsons, or Pokemon, every kid has it. Meanwhile their parents don't understand it and think whatever they had as a kid was better. The Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles was that sort of thing for my childhood, and it's interesting to see this franchise reborn when anyone who might really have been a fan is largely all grown up. Sure, there have been TV revivals in recent years, but let's face it - these characters will never appeal to kids in the way they did to those who grew up in the late 80's and early 90's. That, perhaps, is why this film is flawed.

"TMNT" is never quite sure who its audience is. Should it be a silly kid's movie aimed at preteens, or should it be dark and gritty, with inside jokes for those who grew up on the Turtles? It tries to be both, and never quite fulfills the promise of either. Much like last year's "Superman Returns," this film is a reboot that acknowledges the continuity of past films. Shredder is still dead, and the four Turtles have gone their separate ways. Leonardo is in South America trying to learn to be a better leader, Michelangelo entertains children at birthday parties (one of many moments that bring to mind "Ghostbusters II," oddly enough), Donatello runs a computer help-line, and Raphael is a masked avenger who protects the city by himself, unbeknownst to the other Turtles. When a horde of monsters invade New York, the Turtles come back together to try and save the day. The film has a lot of setup for what ultimately feels like very little payoff. The film lacks any real central villain, as the one we think is the villain really isn't all that villainous after all, and the monsters themselves are merely obstacles thrown in the Turtles' way. But where it lacks in interesting plot, it makes up for in characters.

Never before have the turtles been so well developed on screen. Sure, Donatello gets little screentime, and Michelangelo is still a goofball, but Leonardo and Raphael have a lot of development, and that almost makes this film worth the experience alone. There's always been a tension between these two characters in past incarnations, and finally it comes to a head in a scene that is quite satisfying from a fan's perspective. What's a shame is that they decided to throw out Shredder. Some heroes don't need an archnemesis in order to work (Batman works without the Joker), but there are some heroes who are partly defined by who their villain is, and the Turtles need the Shredder, as proven by the lack of tension in this film (and "Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles III," for that matter). Which brings me back to that central problem with this revival of the franchise.

It's been said that the man who created the original comic books upon which these characters are based hated the cartoon show and movies. He refuses to embrace most aspects of those iterations, but unfortunately much of what makes these characters so popular comes from those cartoons and movies. We'll never see Bebop and Rocksteady in a film because he won't allow it, and he believes that there is more to the Turtles than facing off with Shredder. That is why the film feels more like "Ghostbusters," in which the main characters simply track down monsters one by one, instead of using their ninja skills to fight other characters. You get the feeling that the filmmakers wanted to acknowledge the cartoon, as there are subtle references at times, but because they are forced to abandon much of what made the franchise popular, it becomes difficult to make a good movie. Still, the four Turtles are fun and as well-defined as ever, and if you are a person who grew up on the this franchise, you will probably want to see how they hold up roughly fifteen years later.